Saturday, August 24, 2013

The Revolution Begins


1. The pantheon of Full gods
2. Devikas - Regular Full apsaras, that lined the courts of the Full gods
3. The pantheon of Lesser gods  - including Half-Shiva and Half-Brahma
4. Laukikas - Lesser apsaras, some of whom were ex-Devikas, that courted the Lesser gods

As one of the Lesser gods, Half-Shiva had many good things going for him - his godly body, a near-perfected vibhuti trick, the ability to teleport himself (short distances only) and that sly wink that he could do with his third eye, among others. The demi status suited him fine, because with lesser powers, came lesser responsibility. For the most part, this meant he had time on his hands to do as he pleased with his groupies. All that held him back was a frustration that stemmed from being but a lesser god.  It damaged his sense of self-worth, creating a ragingly low libido.

The Laukikas, that second-tier entourage of apsaras that had to make do servicing only the Lesser gods, were not doing well as an enterprise. A faction of them had just been made homeless at the dawn of Half-Brahma's personal kalyug. Half-Brahma's popularity among humankind had all but tanked over the last few centuries, so H-B decided to renew an oath of chastity. He hoped this would endear him to the overtly pious, as also to those that weren't getting any. Fifteen of the lesser apsaras were sent back to the Laukika quarters, wages paid in full.

The Full gods, together with the Devikas, had a good chuckle about the whole affair.
"Enough is enough!", said Urvashi, the leader of the Laukikas, to herself. This battle between the Full gods and Devikas on the one hand, and the Lesser gods and the Laukikas on the other, had gone on long enough in favour of the former. The contentedness of that lot  rankled her. The Full gods had busy, action-packed lives what with the millions of disease-ridding, milk-drinking, new-car-inaugurating wishes filling up their inboxes. The Devikas, in turn, received lavish gifts for simply stroking the egos of these gods. Basically, their damn cups runneth over.

Indra, a Full god, in an attempt to use dialogue, explained - "Our sense of self-worth is tied closely to what we do, and to the prayers of our devotees. We are paid every morning in pedas and bananas and silk clothes and ganga dips. As a result, there's not much frustration for us to take out on the members of our apsara harem." What he was getting at was that the Full-god lingams and the Devika yonis made love long time.

The Lesser gods, on the other hand, were neither prayed to, nor particularly busy. The lubricant of self-esteem was low. The nights were lonely, and they had been playing a supporting role to the Full gods for so long now that their lives felt like old socks, crispened by the many cycles of human birth and death, yet ignored by those very humans.

Urvashi and Tilottama, who had been ejected from the harems of several Full gods, met one evening to discuss the situation the Laukikas were in. They needed a PR boost if they wanted to get back in the game. Else, they stood to lose even their Lesser god clientele to the Devikas (i.e. the Lesser gods that could afford it) or worse, to more oaths of chastity.
They met with Half-Shiva in one of the back-alleys of Amravati.

Half-Shiva: "You want me to do WHAT?"

U and T:"It's easy, all you have to do is host an orgy with the Laukikas"

Half-Shiva was both excited and terrified by the prospect, for obvious reasons. 

U and T: "It's okay, the Laukikas are going to get busy with each other, you just need to arrange for the bhang. When it's over, all that people will remember was that Half-Shiva held an orgy, and that it was epic." U and T then high-fived each other for that last choice of word.

Half-Shiva stared long and hard at them. He did this partly because he wasn't sure how much they knew about his muted tandav in the bedroom, and partly because this was the only way to use these adjectives in the context of Half-Shiva. They patted him on the back. "It's okay, this sort of thing is common." Especially among the Lesser gods.

And so it came to pass, the orgy was held. Half-Shiva made sure the bhang was free-flowing, and the Laukikas turned up, resplendently gaudy. It rained for five days and five nights as the orgy plumbed new levels of debauchery. Debashree, one of the more mature Laukikas, had invited the divine paparazzi to photograph her in various bendy positions with Half-Shiva, Urvashi and Tilottama pouring bhang over the naked bodies. Several blurry videos were leaked, as were reports of how finally, on the fifth night, in a state of maddened frenzy, a new Ganga burst forth from Half-Shiva. 

All of this press did wonders for the Laukikas. Overnight, inquiries from the secretaries of various Full gods started pouring in - "Are you available in the next Yuga? Full Vishnu is currently committed to the Devikas, but definitely interested"; "How much for one millenium?"; "If we take twenty, any group discount?"

Half-Shiva himself was being considered for promotion into the Full god pantheon. Again, a prospect that both excited and terrified him.

He met with the other Lesser gods. "What do you think? Should I accept?"

Half-Brahma nodded, sagely. "It's time, H-S. This was meant to be. The revolution will begin from within their own ranks. Soon, they will be Full gods no more."

(To be continued. Unlikely though)

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